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6: I Won't Tell If You Don't

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Llew stared into the darkness of the forest and forced herself to start breathing again.

“Wh— who?” She looked back at him, her face a mask of innocent curiosity.

Aenuks,” he repeated. “They're a race of folk from Turhmos. I'm a Quaven soldier, and Turhmos and Quaver have been at war for centuries. Turhmos boosts their army using Aenuks. They can heal themselves from flesh wounds and as medics, well, a bunch of Aenuks can heal almost anythin'.”

“Almost anything?”

“Except this.” He twisted the knife, sending a flash of moonlight along its blade. “Wounds inflicted on an Aenuk with this blade heal at the same rate they would on any person. A fatal wound from this is a fatal wound for anyone.”

“Oh.” Until a couple of days ago, she had always assumed she could die like anyone else, despite her ability to heal. A day or two of thinking otherwise shouldn't have made it so hard to accept once more. But it did. She wanted to get up and run away from the knife that could kill her and her body involuntarily withdrew from it. She wrapped her arms about her middle.

Glancing at her, Jonas held the small bottle out again. She sipped it and sat a moment, wondering if he'd told her about the knife because he knew what she was. He'd already told her he knew she was a girl. Was this his way of telling her he knew what she could do, too? But if he knew she was able to heal, was one of these Aenuks, then surely he would have killed her by now, since that seemed to be what he did to them.

“You asked.”

“What?”

“You wanted to know about the knife. What did you expect I did with it? Use it to make daisy chains? It's a knife. Its purpose is to kill. And the Aenuks I kill are bad folk.”

Yes, she was a bad person. She'd killed a man less than a week ago and left a pile of dead animals on the gallows where she'd hung. Everywhere she went she had the potential to leave a trail of destruction. She was a bad person.

Or was this all part of some elaborate test that he'd begun when he challenged her to a duel? Was he gaging her reaction to see if she was one of these Aenuks and, if so, had she reacted appropriately?

“Did I pass?”

He looked at her a moment before bursting out laughing, a hearty guffaw that had him clutching his belly. Llew flushed.

“You were testing me, weren't you, before, with the swords?”

Jonas took a moment to compose himself and Llew took another sip from his bottle as he constructed an answer. “I like to know who I'm fightin' with, is all.”

She handed the bottle back. “So, how did I do?”

He threw back another mouthful of the potent liquid. “You did alright,” he said. He slid the knife back into its holster, retrieved the cork from the ground beside him and pressed it back into the bottle. Then he pushed himself to his feet and offered a hand to Llew. “We should get these dishes rinsed before we're missed.”

Llew accepted his help to stand, then gathered up the small pile of plates, utensils, and the pot. They crouched by the edge of the creek, rubbing away the thin layer of stew and breadcrumbs with fine silt before rinsing it away in the slow-moving water. They remained crouching, staring into the water for a few moments after their task was complete. Llew breathed in the damp air. It mingled with the musky smell of her companion and an unfamiliar sensation radiated through her.

She looked at him out the corner of her eye, only to have her eyes settle on the knives filling his vest, then trailing down to the knife in its sheath by his thigh.

Feeling the muscles in her legs tiring, Llew stood up and her head swirled. She took a step to balance herself, slapping a foot into the shallow water's edge. She would have fallen in if Jonas hadn't grabbed her arm and pulled her back. She collapsed into him, laughing. He swayed a little, too, and his arms wrapped about her in a casual embrace.

“What was that stuff?”

Jonas didn't reply. He inhaled deeply, sampling the scent of her hair. His closeness sent shivers down her spine. He let his head rest on her shoulder, then his arms clasped her tightly – one hand at the back of her neck. He shook once, twice, and she thought she heard a muffled sob.

A year ago... A year since what?

She let her own head lean against his and closed her eyes. She'd never been so intimate with anyone before. The men she knew, who knew she was a girl, only wanted to touch her in one way. Maybe two.

“What's going on?”

Jonas pushed away from her and turned to the creek.

Llew faced Alvaro. “We were just doing the dishes.”

“Ah-huh.”

“Just go back to camp,” said Jonas, his voice betraying only the slightest tremor. “We'll be there soon.”

“What are you two doing?” Alvaro kept coming on.

“Go back, Al.” If Jonas had used that tone on her, Llew would have turned on the spot, run back to camp and not looked back.

Alvaro stopped. “I just came to let you know we're makin' ready for bed. Aris wants Llew on first watch.”

“We'll be there soon.”

Alvaro stood a moment longer, glancing from one to the other; then he nodded and turned back to camp.

Jonas studied the small bottle. “Hot damn, what is this stuff?”

“Not whisky, then?”

“Thought it was. Picked it up in Cheer.”

“Well, we're a backwards people, all isolated-like up this way.” Llew smiled. “I won't tell if you don't.”

He looked at her.

“I'm just not ready,” she said. She didn't know how they would take her having lied to them, but if she could prove herself first then maybe they would be more understanding, more forgiving. And she didn't want them all looking at her the way men looked at girls. So far, Jonas seemed to have more on his mind than ogling her. But would Cassidy and Alvaro feel the same way?

Jonas stooped to collect the pot and cutlery and handed it to her, then gathered up the plates and started walking back to camp.

Llew shrugged and followed.

 

Llew's fear that she might fall asleep while on watch soon disappeared. Scuffles from unknown forest wildlife and the deceptively distant, chilling call of lapwings kept her nerves on edge and her wits sharp. Just before she was due to wake Alvaro, a cramp began in her belly. Oh, hell, no. She peered up at what she could see of the moon and, sure enough, it was at about the same phase as last time. Typical that her body should decide to begin a regular cycle just when she needed it to continue with its usual haphazard ways. How was she going to deal with feminine issues while traveling as a boy, sharing close quarters with men? Her first requirement was to prevent her clothing getting stained.

As soon as she'd woken Alvaro and he'd disappeared amongst the trees, Llew fished around in a communal pack, her hand emerging with a small, tightly woven sack of apples. Well, it wasn't perfect, but it would do. She began taking apples from the sack and shoving them into the pack, loose. It may not have been rational, but she always felt dirty when her body did this to her so, instead of climbing into the spare bedding provided for her, she made her way through the trees, to the creek, the now empty sack at her side.

A few strides in, the creek bed dipped sharply, allowing her to wade waist deep. She crouched down and rubbed herself all over, feeling the grime of a long day lift away, then stood straight, the water streaming from her as she returned to shore.

Llew!”

Llew shrieked and smacked her hands over her mouth, hardly believing she'd let such a noise escape her lips.

Alvaro stood at the edge of a copse of trees, his eyes wide and staring.

Llew dashed the last few paces, scooped up her clothes and pressed them in front of her. She didn't know what to say: so she said nothing.

Llew,” Alvaro said in a loud whisper. “You're a... You're a girl.”

You're a girl.” Such had been her standard come-back over the years, she didn't even think before she said it.

“Are you alright?”

“I'm fine. Just—” She tried to wave him away.

“You're bleeding.”

Llew clamped her thighs together and felt her cheeks flush.

The snap of a twig sounded over the flowing water, and Jonas emerged, looking from Llew to Alvaro. Her cheeks grew hotter. Just what she needed.

Jonas looked back at her, taking in her awkward pose.

Al, go watch someplace else.”

“But— Um... Okay.” Alvaro sounded disappointed and relieved all at once, but he turned and disappeared among the trees.

“You—” Jonas took a step toward Llew and then stopped. “Wait,” he said, holding up a hand and turning back into the trees.

Left alone, Llew breathed a sigh of relief. She doubted things could get any worse, but at least someone was on her side, as unlikely an ally as Jonas might seem. He was back in almost no time with a handful of soft bandages. Without a word, he left her to it and returned to camp.

Cleansed, dressed, and altogether feeling pretty good given the circumstances, Llew headed for her bed. She stopped short when Alvaro called out to her in a hushed voice. He stepped out from behind a tree.

“You're beautiful, Llew.” His doe-eyes shone, and his lips were curled in an awestruck smile. And then he floundered. “I mean, apart from—” He waved his hands down low. Well, no, blood trickling down a girl's thigh wasn't the most attractive look.

Al, don't.”

Alvaro froze. He opened his mouth, closed it, and then opened it again. “You're real pretty.” This time the smile was apologetic.

Llew gave him a tight-lipped smile in return and moved past him to her bed, wondering just how many naked women he'd seen in his life.

Breakfast was rolled oats boiled in water, spiced with cinnamon and allspice, all prepared by Anya and Emylia while the others tidied away their camp and prepared the horses for the day's journey.

Every time Llew looked up from her breakfast or travel preparations, she caught Alvaro watching her. He never looked away when she saw him, just smiled. She stopped smiling in return, and shook her head at him to try to discourage him. If Aris knew she was a girl, he might not let her continue with them. They were meant to be a protective escort for Anya, taking her to meet her future husband, Lord Tovias, the Earl of Rakun and its surrounding areas. Another girl in the group likely didn't feature in Aris's plans. He needed good, strong men who could fight and, Llew suspected, one letter opener to the side of a man's head did not provide the kind of conclusive evidence Aris would expect.

Llew sat in the cart, mostly ignoring the rocking and swaying as it trundled along the road. She was looking forward to riding the horse they'd acquired from the highwaymen. She wondered if she should have moved to the front of the carriage to sit on the cushioned seat behind Aris, Emylia and Anya each time they tackled a slope and the wheels of the carriage found all the corrugations left by historic rain showers. But she was enjoying her perch at the back: leaning against the canvas wall, back-flap hooked up out of the way, and with her leg slung over the tailgate, ostensibly keeping an eye on the pack horses. She watched the road disappear behind them. Cheer was falling farther and farther behind with each bounce, and she could feel the boy-girl she had been slipping away with it.

No longer did she have to be the pickpocket trying to survive as life would allow. She had the opportunity to earn her way legitimately, and go on to... well, to do anything. When this journey was over, she would be in a new land, with new friends and a world of options open ahead of her. There were schools in Phyos, or so she had heard, and cities that could swallow Cheer whole and still have room for three more. Opportunity. Challenge. Rewards to be reaped.

Jonas looked back at her now and then, and she would smile at him. He rarely smiled back, or held her gaze, and most of the time he looked as though he might be sleeping under that hat. But the animosity from their initial interactions seemed to have dissipated some.

 

By the time the group entered Orn the sun was dipping low. Orn: Population 1,500, the sign at the outskirts said. It was small and dusty, much like Cheer, though the smell of the sea was less pungent this far inland. By this part of the day the streets were mostly empty, and Llew breathed in the aromas of meats, breads, and herbs and spices, some familiar, some strange, from meals in preparation. Her mouth watered and her stomach grumbled.

She looked up at the busy arms of the town's telegraph semaphore as the tower sent a message down the line. Cheer had its own towers, but Llew had rarely seen them at work, and briefly wondered what people might say to each other over such long distances. Likely nothing to concern her. Aris seemed interested, though.

He led them to an inn and Alvaro and Cassidy took charge of the horses, unburdening the pack animals and settling them all into the stable. The rest of the group followed Aris inside.

The main entrance opened into a common area with a few free-standing wooden tables and benches, and several booths along the walls. To the right of the door was the bar. To the left, stairs climbed to a balcony off which were the guest rooms. The overall appearance, though dull in the limited light, was tidy and clean. Llew hadn't known exactly what she was expecting, but her recollection of helping her father out of the bar in Cheer painted quite a different picture of the inside of such an establishment. She reminded herself that it was still early.

The few patrons sitting at one of the tables gave the newcomers a cursory glance and resumed their conversations and drinking. The innkeeper kept busy drying a tankard as Aris approached. Aris booked three rooms and ordered a warm bath to be ready in each.

“Dalea!” the innkeeper called, and a voluptuous woman appeared from a door at the other end of the bar. “Can you and the girls arrange three bathtubs for our guests?” The woman nodded and withdrew.

They brought in what belongings they needed, while the rest was secured in a large cupboard attached to the stable.

Two girls, who Llew guessed were the innkeeper's daughters, had placed a large tub in the center of the room Llew was to share with the boys, and were filling it with steaming water from buckets they carried into the room. Cassidy scooted across to start a conversation with one of the girls, deftly easing the weight of the bucket from her grasp. Llew shared an amused look with Alvaro and Jonas as the girl started to giggle at whatever Cassidy had said to her quietly – too quietly for them to hear. Under a disapproving gaze from the girl's mother and a not entirely damning look from the other sister, Cassidy poured the steaming contents of the bucket into the tub and handed the bucket back to the girl to refill. While she was out of the room, he stood beside his friends, rocking back and forth on his toes with a distinctly smug air.

Bath filled; the girl lingered at the doorway before her sister dragged her away. Cassidy sauntered back to the others, but before he could gloat over his impending conquest, Jonas and Alvaro announced that they were going down to the bar, and left the room.

“Don't take too long. I don't want a cold bath,” Cassidy said with a smirk, patting Llew on the shoulder before following the other two. “But I'm sure looking forward to nursing a glass of ale.”

Llew grinned as he 'whooped' his way down the stairs, taking several at a time. And then she was alone. She locked the door and turned to the steaming tub. She wished she could enjoy the hot bath before her but, thanks to her body's rhythms, it was not a luxury she could afford. She doubted those who came after her would appreciate it if she did. Still, she wasn't going to let the chance to wash pass her by. She knelt by the tub, shimmied out of her shirt, and began to sponge herself down with the cloth the girls had provided. Even without submerging herself in it, Llew luxuriated at the touch of the hot water. She hadn't had a hot bath in some six years.

Perhaps on Phyos she would find, or create a job that would provide enough income to buy her own home – a real house – with a well and a fireplace to heat the water. Perhaps. She had to get there first.

Clean, dry, and clothed, she descended to the bar where the boys sat, each cradling a tankard of ale.

“You spruce up nice,” Alvaro blurted out. “Better watch out or someone might mistake you for a girl.”

“Watch yourself.” Llew glared at him.

“I think you better have next bath, Al,” said Jonas. “Maybe you can sweat out some o' that ale.”

“He's not wrong, you know.” Cassidy peered at Llew as his cousin headed up to their room. “When I was your age, I was shavin'.”

“Ease off him, Cass. He's still growin'.”

Llew gave Jonas a grateful smile then turned away. How keen would he be to stand by her if he found out what else she was?

“I was just sayin',” Cassidy raised a hand in supplication. “You've got mighty smooth skin, is all.”

Aris joined them, and Anya and Emylia came down soon after. Cassidy loped up the stairs as soon as Alvaro reappeared.

After each of them had washed up, they enjoyed a meal of boiled beef, potatoes, and fresh salad greens before making their way to their beds. Llew felt as though she was living a life of luxury when she climbed into a soft bed with warm blankets. Cassidy was beginning the night in another bed, but Jonas and Alvaro's slow breathing soon lulled her to sleep, and she only woke briefly when Cassidy came into the room during the night.

The following morning, Aris sent Jonas with Llew to get decent tack for her horse. The highwayman's gear would have rubbed the poor animal raw if she'd ridden the length of the country on it.

On the way to the tack shop, they stopped in at a tailor's for Llew to buy a new shirt, jacket, and trousers that fit, along with the finest boots that had ever graced her feet, with money Aris had given Jonas for the purpose. Aris had called it an advance on her fee for her – his – part in the job of getting Anya safely to Rakun on Phyos. Llew's eyes had boggled as he divvied the money out to Jonas. If it was only an advance, and not the whole fee, she wouldn't have to rush to find work in Phyos. How much was the man carrying? Instinctively her fingers had tingled at the prospect of a fat wallet, but she'd shoved her hands into her pockets. She would earn her money honestly from now on.

Later, strolling down the street, carrying her parcel, Llew realized Jonas was not keeping pace with her and turned round to look for him. He stood studying something in a store window. Llew walked back to join him at the dressmakers.

“Looking for something for yourself?” she gibed.

He turned a sour look on her, then his expression settled into something she hadn't seen on him before – a kind of gentle consideration.

“You ever miss wearin' 'em?” He nodded to the dresses in the window.

“I never did wear 'em.” She didn't figure the one she'd been hanged in counted. “Don't feel sorry for me. Pants are more practical, anyway. Come on.” Pants were a damn sight harder for someone else to get off, at least. “I think the store up here might sell hooks. Maybe I'll catch us dinner one night.” She started walking away.

“A better view, too.”

“What?” She turned, quite certain she knew what he'd meant, but feeling a need for clarification. Plus, the comment made her very conscious of her cheeks – and not those on her face. They clenched.

“Trousers. They—” he started. Llew blinked a few times.

It was both amusing and astonishing to see Jonas, usually so confident, flustered.

“I was just sayin' they look nice. Let's go.” He strode past her.

She caught up with him and they walked together in silence.

Llew wasn't sure how she felt about Jonas admiring her arse. True, she had assessed him in kind that first day, but that was different.

Anya had insisted Llew purchase a fishing hook should she get the opportunity to do so, so the Orn General Store had been added to their list of destinations. Once her eyes adjusted to the dimness of the store, she scoured the shelves for the collection of fishing gear and set about sorting through it. Jonas gave every impression of casually inspecting items without showing any real interest in any of it, all the while keeping himself just a step or two away from Llew.

“I'd like to see you in one.” His breath tickled the hairs on the back of her neck and Llew swallowed, as though she'd been caught once more with his knife in her grasp. Her breathing and heart rate quickened. He was far too good at sneaking up on people. Recovering, she pinched her chosen hook between her fingers, but stopped short of turning from the shelf. “Think you'd look pretty,” he continued.

Llew froze. The storekeeper watched them suspiciously.

Jonas slipped a hand round beside her, brushing her ribs and sending a jolt through her, and placed the coin she needed to pay for the hook on the shelf. Then, as silently as he had come up behind her, he moved away and left the store.

Heart pounding, she took the hook and the coin to the counter to pay before following Jonas out.

As soon as Llew emerged squinting into the daylight, Jonas stepped onto the road, heading for the livery stable.

“What was that?” Llew asked when she caught up to him.

“What was what?”

Llew scowled at his back. She grabbed his arm, turning him to face her. There was the smallest of smiles on his lips. Thought it was funny, did he?

“Don't play innocent with me. I know innocent, and you ain't it. You were flirting with me.”

“I's just playin', is all.” He shrugged her off and continued walking, his hands clasped behind his back. The 'V' drew Llewella's eye down and she was struck by how easy it was to notice the nice fit of his trousers. She recalled noticing the same when she had first seen the knife at his side. Her eyes moved to the weapon and she admonished herself for her thoughts. This man had the means to kill her and, by his account, would have thought nothing of doing so if they'd met under different circumstances. In fact, he probably would have done it when they first met, had he known what she was.

But he didn't know. And she would be long gone before he found out.

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